One Phone Call & My World Changed

In all honesty I have been dreading this specific post for over two years. I have thought about it over and over. Monday, August, 26, 2013 started like any other. I got ready for work and headed into the office started shooting the breeze with my new bud and co-worker Christie. As I sat at my desk I kept getting a call from my dear friend Fernando Garcia. Garcia and I were both aides to the same Admiral and we became best friends instantly, I love this guy! I ignored his call since I was at work and figured he would leave me a voice mail and then I would call him when I got a chance. He called right back which I found odd but knew it had to be important so I told Christie I needed to take this call and stepped outside. When I answered he didn't do any of our usual chit chat all he said was "Monica I have some news, Bryan has been killed in action his parents will be notified in a few hours." When people talk about having an out of body experience this is what I imagine it would be like. I heard his words and as crazy as it sounds they even made sense but my brain was not processing. All I asked was" Are you sure its him? Has it been confirmed?" Garcia said "Yes" to which I answered "Ok" and hung up.

All I remember was walking into the office still in shock and when Christie asked me if everything was ok or something like it all I said was "Bryan has been killed in action, his parents will be notified soon." I sat at my desk and she came over and at that moment I lost it, I had just heard what I had said and finally my brain understood what was going on. I started sobbing and I felt pain I never thought a human could feel, I honestly felt like my heart was breaking. I just needed to get out of there and fast.

I came home and my sister in law Melissa was surprised to see me and asked why I was home so early I didn't need to say anything she knew by the look on my face. I remember her saying "No, no, no" and just hugging me and we both just cried. I then called my Mom and my sister and cried some more. Brandy came over to help Melissa out and I just wanted to die. I went to my room and screamed into my pillow cried, begged and waited for the call that would tell me that it was a mistake and that Bryan was ok, that call never came. Instead it was my friend David Mullen who was supposed to come and visit us in Yakima after he was done at Whidbey Island asking what he could do. I fell asleep and woke up to my brother Monico hugging me and asking what he could do. Everyone was asking me what they could do and there was nothing that they could to make it better. I just wanted Bryan with me and no one could grant me that. I made arrangements to head over to Dover were Bryan's body would be brought. My friend David would meet me in Seattle and we would fly to Dover to bring Bryan home.

The Hunger Games: AKA Wedding Planning

To say that I was completely out of my element would be the understatement of the century! I would've loved a courthouse wedding and then a small dinner with close family and friends. I have seen so many girls get so wrapped up on the wedding and so many meltdowns over the silliest things I wanted nothing to do with that. I told Bryan that I didn't want a wedding, I wanted a marriage and I could marry him anywhere as long as it was just him and I that's all I needed. Plus Bryan had been previously married so I was thinking he would be all for a courthouse wedding, he was not!

So let the wedding planning begin! I know it sounds harsh to compare wedding planning to The Hunger Games but seriously it's crazy all the things that go into it and all the things people tell you you NEED to have oy vey! Well a relationship is about compromise so I knew a wedding was important to Bryan so we started planning. Once I started trying dresses is when it finally hit me "Holy crap! I'm getting married!!"

The plan was simple: We would go back to where it all began, Monterey, CA where we met. It would be a small event with close family and friends. Being that most people would be travelling to the location it would be a three day even so we could enjoy our time together but also so our families could get to know each other. Well it was nice in theory. We went from something casual to something formal, from 60 guest to 150! Also to be clear that was all Bryan. 

So as luck would have it everything that could go wrong went wrong. The invites never got made so last minute I had to order invites, the caterer double booked and we were the second ones to book so they dropped us, and some of the bridal party went a little diva on me. It became a little overwhelming especially because it was just me planning the wedding. Soon after we got engaged Bryan got deployed and would be taking some liberty to get married and then head back. We would be doing our honeymoon after his deployment. Anyway so I didn't want to bother him because well he had more pressing matters at hand. 

My amazing mom came to the rescue I think because she was sensing my meltdown she gave me the best advice ever. She said "You can't please nor accommodate everyone. This day is yours and Bryan's so whatever makes you two happy do it." And we did. Bryan had the biggest sweet tooth on the planet so we planned for a candy bar, instead of cake we had cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes from DC a bakery we would go to all the time, and for food, In & Out! Finally the big day was planned and ready to go.

Future brides, do what makes you happy and don't get caught up in the silly details. Enjoy the moment.

Breaking News: I'm Engaged!!

As I was looking at the recent blog post I have made I realized that I hadn't written anything about breaking the news to my family and friends. I wanted to share that part because I think it's important. Not because I am super girly and I want to go into detail how my girlfriends and I broke down and started crying and planning my wedding ASAP. But because it was a hard thing to tell people because of what their reaction would be.

As most of you know I grew up LDS and served a Spanish speaking mission in Ft. Lauderdale, FL (Best mission in the world by the way) So you can now understand why I was not really looking forward to telling people I was marrying a non-member and not getting married in the temple. I worked up the courage and finally called my Mom and let me just say my Mom is amazing. I just spilled it all out and she listened and she asked " Does he love you? Does he respect you?" I told her "Yes" and she said "That's all I need to know." Other people where not as kind, some reacted as if I had just told them I had cancer. 

I think for this reason I wanted to post this because I think it's important for us to follow the rule of "If you don't have nothing nice to say don't say nothing at all" I found myself having to explain and sometimes justify why I was marrying Brian. The same people didn't even bother to ask about Brian but all they focused on him not being a member. Let us be kind to each other and think before we speak.

A Tiny Miracle and an Answer

January 2013 came and I made my move to Yakima, WA. Bryan and I continued to date long distance and I was still trying to figure out my answer. I was really getting frustrated because I was not getting one and Bryan well bless his heart he was giving me the time I needed and was not putting any pressure on me . I was settling in to my new place and the new winter weather that I was not used to experiencing. 
As posted before Nico decided that he wanted to make an early appearance. He was due on March 18th but decided that he wanted to come in January 31st instead. Melissa had gone to a doctors appointment and she send me a text telling me she was being send to the hospital. I figured I would go and keep her company at the hospital. As I was getting ready to cross the street to walk into the hospital I got a call from my brother telling me they were taking Melissa in for an emergency C-section. I'm still in denial of how fast things were moving because I come into the room and see Dad (I've adopted Melissa's parents as my own) and he tells me they've taken Melissa to the ER. I ask him if we could say a little prayer as we wait for Melissa and baby news.
By this time the anxiety is building up because I know I have to call my Mom and tell her whats going on and I'm starting to freak out because I don't know what's going on and I don't know that everything is going to be ok.
At that moment I call Bryan and I tell him what's going on and here I am in Yakima, WA in the hallway of a hospital having a meltdown and he is in Spain. In good ol Bryan fashion he makes everything ok, he reassures me and I know that everything will be fine, Melissa and Baby will be ok. A few minutes later I met Nico.

As I stood there looking at this tiny miracle everything made perfect sense. I knew that I wanted Bryan by my side to go through life with and hopefully he still wanted me by his side too. No matter what life threw at us as long as he was with me life would be good. There was no doubt in my mind that he was my person and if Heavenly Father ever blessed me with children I wanted them to be Bryan's children. I had my answer, now time to tell Bryan.

As soon as he answers he ask how everyone is doing and if there's anything he can do. I give him an update and send him pictures so he can meet Nico. I then tell him "So remember that question? I have an answer for you. The answer is YES! There's no one in the world I would want to go through trials and happy times than with you. I loved you since the day at met you and I love you more than ever today." There was silence at the end of the line. I actually asked if he was still there. Because by now I'm thinking "Oh man what if he changed his mind and is trying to find the words to tell me no and I just made a fool of myself." He finally answers and says "Yes I'm still here and I knew you would say yes." Bryan overnighted the ring. I'm officially engaged!

Cracker Jacks and a Question

One night while in Russia we decided to go for a walk and then dinner. The city looked beautiful with all the snow on the ground and the dim lights.We talked and laughed and we finally made it to this small mom and pop restaurant and had the best meal ever, I was getting close to be in a food coma when Bryan sees a guy playing guitar and ask if he could borrow it. People who knew Bryan wouldn't think too much of this because well that's who he was plus I had just figured he'd made a new friend haha.

Bryan sang a song that I'd heard before in a movie and had told him how much I loved it. The song is "Never Had by Oscar Isaac." ( http://youtu.be/vEvIaQifj5c )I believe there are moments in our life where we touch heaven where everything is just as it should be and one feels a type of happiness that we never thought it was humanly possible to feel.
And at that moment Bryan said "I know this is not Yankee's Stadium but hope this helps." At that moment he gave me a Cracker Jack Box with a ring tied around it with a red ribbon. A side story about Yankee Stadium is that years ago a friend of ours Fernando Garcia was trying to figure out how to propose to his girlfriend and he asked me "How would you want to be proposed to?" I replied "Oh that's easy! I want to be proposed to at Yankee's Stadium and have the ring put in a Cracker Jack Box." I have to admit I got funny looks from those two but I had long forgotten the conversation until that December night in Russia when Bryan asked me to marry him. Ok now back to the question at hand. You're thinking I said YES! Actually, I didn't. Bryan knew me well enough that he knew I was going to freak out! I was just wrapping my head around the fact that I was dating CAPT Smith!! The hottie that walked into my office to introduce himself as the new JAG Officer years ago, my best friend.  In his asking he said "I know your answer is going to be no but I need you to know that this is the end game I see for us, marriage." My reply was "I am not saying yes but I am not saying no either. When I have my answer I will let you know and I will not look back." Two days later Bryan left for Spain and I headed back to Seattle.

From Russia With Love

A year had passed and Bryan and I saw each other during the Fall when work took us both to San Diego. One of the many things I loved about Bryan is that  no matter what or where life took us we always seemed to come back to each other. I thought that after a year Bryan would have given up on us dating but if anything he was more determined than ever.

As I returned from San Diego I realized how much I missed him and how much I cared for him. I knew I loved him as  friend but I wasn't sure if I was in love with him as more than friends. The truth was I knew I was in love with him and that scared me to death! The more I told people the more they would tell me " So he's your best friend and you care for him right? So what's the problem again?" One thing you have to understand about me is that it takes me a while to process information but once I do and I make a decision I'm full speed ahead with it.

In December I was told I needed to head to Russia for work. I mustered all the courage I could and I called Bryan and asked him if he could take some leave and meet me in Russia. I was finally ready to see where this would go.

Bryan met me in Moscow and we explored the city together and had a wonderful time. Being with Bryan was as natural as breathing ,I could always be myself. It didn't matter what we did together it was just amazing being in the same room. I didn't think the trip could get any better and then it did.

Stay tuned

And the Plot Thickens

As most of you know I left my work with the Navy and moved to the Pacific Northwest. Everything that could've gone wrong went wrong. Seattle was everything I wanted in a city but it was a hard place to make friends. People had either grown up together, went to college or worked together. Breaking in as the new girl was hard.  As I was beginning to question my decision of moving who gets transferred to Bremerton, WA? Now CDR Smith, I of course was over the moon to finally have a friend in Seattle. But as luck would have it he was deployed  with the USS John C. Stennis as soon as he got here. It turned out I had three friends all deployed on the same carrier at the same time. Being the good friend that I am I made sure to send care packages for "My Boys" as they became known. 


Now this is where the story gets interesting,  I remember a conversation that I had with Bryan while he was deployed. They were getting ready to get home and I was telling him my great plan to set him up with my friend as soon as he came back. To my surprise Bryan became angry and said " You know Monica you're such a guy sometimes!" He then handed the phone to my other friend Sean and I told him the conversation and how confused I was as to what had just happened. Sean replied "You know Smith is in love with you right? Oh my god you really have no clue? You're a man stuck in a woman body De Leon." I blew it off as those two just messing with me.


When Bryan returned from deployment he came back hell bend on us dating. In his words  "I will keep asking until one day you'll say yes to me."Anyone that knows me, knows that I love dating, its commitment I hate. As soon as someone wants to date exclusively I want to date other people. So when Bryan told me his great idea I was freaked out. My fear wasn't because I didn't like Bryan it was the complete opposite. Bryan was one of the most amazing people you would ever meet. He was everything I wasn't. He was kind, funny, super smart. Bryan saw many things in the world and yet he still saw the best in people. I was afraid of not being enough of loosing my friend.


At this time as we tried to figure things out the NAVY decided to transfer Bryan to Spain. At this time we decided best for us to remain friends and if things were meant to work out they would. Bryan left for his new duty station in Madrid, Spain and I remained here in Seattle, WA.